Question-less Book Interview at Open Book Toronto

Posted: June 20, 2012 in Dark Art Cafe
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here is my “Question-less Book Interview,” courtesy of George Murray over at Open Book Toronto. (If you’re familiar with George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire or HBO’s Game of Thrones series, this “interview” will make a lot more sense).

The Question-less Book Interview comes in the form of unfinished statements that the person being interviewed is to finish (i.e. “I am…” / “I am known…” / “I do this…” / etc.)

So, here it goes…


I am the real George R.R. Martin.

I am known to have a soft spot for cripples, bastards, and broken things.

I do this impersonation of George so I can tag his name in posts and get more Google hits.

I do this because I wish I had Martin’s readership.

I do this when I remember that my book has sold 10s of copies.

The way I do this is to grow my beard out, wear big glasses, and place copies of A Song of Ice and Fire in front of my books at a signing, and then tell fans that I wrote this other book under a slightly altered pseudonym. (This creates interesting photo-ops but sells few of my books).

At his/her core, a Writer is someone who knows that winter is coming and he/she will not make enough to pay the heating bill.

As opposed to an Author, who is able to pay his/her debts, much like a Lannister.

A Writer is responsible for defending the world from white walkers, zombies, and the trolls of chaos. (He/she gets no thanks for this and usually winds up alone, celibate and

As opposed to an Author, who is responsible for giving HBO writers yet another great idea for a hit show.

At its core, Publishing is about getting HBO screenwriters to read the books you’re putting out.

As opposed to Editing, which is the art of making a 600 page book into 250 page book.

A Publisher should always overuse key phrases from a book in promoting that book, like “‘Winter is Coming’ … so buy this book for Christmas.”

As opposed to an Editor, who should always rip out useless paragraphs like so many insolent tongues. An editor should make the page bleed.

A Manuscript that’s ready to be read by others is 600 pages.

As opposed to a Book that’s ready to be read by others, which is absolutely no more than 300 pages.

A Manuscript should always be as hopeful as a whore heading to the big city.

As opposed to a Book, which should always expect to be stabbed in the back by a reviewer.

At its core, Bookselling is as thankless as taking The Black, and about as profitable.

As opposed to Book Marketing, which is much like a Game of Thrones, you win or you die.

The smallest unit of narrative is, I expect, much smaller than George R.R. Martin thinks it is.

The biggest reason to anticipate the future is that Heather Reisman doesn’t command literal dragons.

The biggest reason to be scared of the future is that dragons are metaphors for much more frightening realities that face writers today.

In the future we will all forget the Long Summer before e-publishing.

At his/her core, a Reader is a Stark of Winterfell.

However, the ideal Reader is Ned Stark… and we all know what happened to him


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